Outsmarting an American
by solitarycloud
Summary: Alfred gets outsmarted by his former colony. Includes OC Philippines. Kind of crack. A one-shot. Based on a joke. Please Read and Review.


Maria was seriously exhausted. So tired, that all she wanted to do for the next couple of hours was to sit back, relax, close her eyes, and, maybe, fall asleep. No, it wasn't because she missed her siesta*, if that's what you're thinking (but she'd really wish she had one). It was because of the work and stress that had piled up that day.

Being a nation was hard work. It involved traveling to other countries to have diplomatic meetings, making trade agreements, promoting tourism, and other things like that. She wasn't complaining about it, the usually smiling South East Asian nation knew her responsibilities as the personification of the Republic of the Philippines*, but she just really, really needed a break.

But I don't think anyone can really blame her for being tired. I mean, wouldn't you be worn out if you took an 18 hour* flight to the U.S., stayed for a couple of hours, and then immediately took another flight to where ever the next UN meeting was being held, right?

So, anyway, she was accompanying her new boss on the trip and she was pretty annoyed with him. Sure, she liked him a lot with all he was doing for her people and anyone can really tell he worked hard and tried his best for the nation, but abandoning her to talk with the American leader and leaving her to be watched by the United States of America of all nations! What did he think of her? A little child to be babysat? Humph! Sure she had her quirks and all and she knows she could be a little annoying sometimes, but THAT was just mean!

It's not that she didn't like her Kuya* Alfred, with all the thing he'd done for her she'd be eternally grateful for. It's just that, with his energetic nature and general loudness, he was probably the worst person to sit next to if you were trying to relax or take a nap.

"Maria, Maria! Are you listening to me?" he almost shouted for the whole plane to hear. Lots of heads turned to look where the noise was coming from, some people started staring, and Maria could have sworn someone muttered the words newly married couple.

"_Oh, great… Now, they think we're married. What is it this time?" _she thought. Maria sighed and turned to face Alfred. The American had a silly (but kind of cute, actually…. Wait…. What was she thinking?) grin plastered on his face and it was obvious he wanted to say something to her.

"Hey, Maria, let's play a game! I know a game that's really fun and easy. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."

Maria really wasn't in the mood to play any games so she politely declined by saying, "Next time na lang, Kuya Alfred. I'm still kind of tired from my trip a while ago."

"Oh c'mon, Maria! It's really fun! Okay, what about I pay you $10? Will you play now?"

"Still no, Kuya Alfred. Like I said a couple of minutes ago, I'm still really tired from my trip." she was already tempted to tell him to shut up but decided against it, figuring it would sound rude.

"What about $50? Will you play now? Pleeease?" he was already giving her that pleading puppy dog look.

"_Oh God… He is so persistent."_, she thought. Maria tried not to look at his face, he knew that she couldn't say no if he made that face and if she did look she would have definitely agreed already, as she politely tried to decline yet again.

"Look, Kuya Alfred, I already said I don't-", sadly she couldn't even finish her sentence when he interrupted her to say ,"Okay, fine, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."

"Kuya Alfred. Wait…. WHAT?" Maria exclaimed. In her head, she did some mental math. "_If one dollar is equivalent to around forty-two pesos*, then forty-two times five hundred, that would be around TWENTY-ONE THOUSAND PESOS!"_ _wow that's a lot." _she thought.

"Kuya Alfred, are you serious? You do realize that's a lot of money, don't you?" the Pinay* asked.

The American beamed and nodded his head enthusiastically, happy that she was finally (almost) agreeing to play with him.

Maria thought about it, with 21,000 Pesos she could buy a lot of stuff and she wouldn't need to use her own money to buy pasalubong* for the other SEA* nations, and besides, knowing Alfred, he would not stop bugging her until she played with him, so she might as well play and get it over with.

"Okay, Kuya Alfred, I'll play with you." the Filipina replied. The American grinned and eagerly said, "I'll go first… Ah! I know! What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

Maria didn't even bother thinking about it and she just immediately fished for a five dollar bill in her wallet and handed it to the American.

"Okay, it's your turn." said Alfred. Maria thought about for a minute and then asked,

"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?

Alfred thought about it for a bit. No answer. He then asked, "Maria, do you mind if I think about this for a while?"

"No problem, just wake me up when you've found the answer." she replied. "_At least by then, I'd be able to get a little sleep." _she thought to herself.

* * *

30 Minutes Later

Alfred was in trouble. After 30 minutes of searching online, he still couldn't find the answer. He was just bored, if he knew that finding the answer would be this hard, he never would have suggested this game in the first place. He always thought he could find the answer to the damn riddle if he Googled it online, but, still, no results.

"_Oh! I know, I'll just call Iggy, maybe he knows the answer!"_ he thought. And, so, Alfred decided called Arthur.

_Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring_

A couple of rings later, Arthur picked up the phone and, sadly, for Alfred, it didn't go so well. Their conversation went something like this :

Alfred: Hey, Iggy! Do you-

Arthur: YOU BLOODY GIT! DON'T YOU REALIZE IT'S THREE A.M. IN THE MORNING HERE!

Alfred: Ah, sorry. Anyway, do you know goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?

Arthur: HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW! FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO ANSWER YOUR BLOODY RIDDLE! *slams down the phone*

After calling Arthur, Alfred then proceeded to calling every nation whose number was on his phone, and that was a lot. Within the next thirty minutes, he more or less called at least half the world (he even remembered to call Matthew, who was usually forgotten). Heck, he even tried calling Tony, but that didn't work either. Their conversation went something like this:

_Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring_

Alfred: Hey, Tony! It's me the hero!

Tony: _What do you want, earthling? *mutters* humans and their pre-historic communication devices *mutters*_

Alfred: Do you know what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?

Tony: _After watching the earth for two centuries, I can say no such creature exists._

Alfred: Uhh… Thanks anyway. *puts down the phone*

Tony: _Good Riddance….._

And so, after realizing he couldn't find the answer anytime soon, Alfred decided to give up and started to wake up the sleeping nation beside him.

* * *

"Maria! Maria, wake up!" Alfred shouted as he shook the sleeping Filipina to wake her up. The sleepy Pinay reflexively hit the American on the arm.

"Owww! That hurt, you know!"

"Uhhh…. Sorry that was sort of reflexive… Not to sound rude and all but, Kuya, what did you want from me?" asked the sleepy ASEAN while rubbing her eyes. Alfred then handed her the $500.

"Uhh, thanks, Kuya Alfred… I almost forgot about that." she said as she promptly closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

"Wait, Maria! Don't go to sleep again! Wake up! PHILIPPINES!" Alfred shouted yet again as he tried to wake her up the second time. And for the second time he was hit on the arm yet again.

"Owww! You hit me again!" Alfred said as he rubbed the place where she hit him. "_No wonder she beat Mexico and all those other countries in boxing*, that's gonna leave a bruise."_

"Sorry…. A reflex is a reflex… What is it now, Kuya Alfred? Are we there already?" asked the sleepy nation.

"So what's the answer?" asked the American impatiently. He wasted a lot of time and phone calls so he really wanted to know what creature goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs.

"To what?" asked the Filipina, a little confused by the question.

"To the question: What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

"Oh, that." she said as she remembered the game they had a while ago. To answer the question, instead of a response like what he expected, Maria got her bag and pulled out a $5 bill and handed it to him.

Maria smirked to herself. Seeing the other nation's wide eyes and gaping mouth told her he wouldn't be disturbing her for a while as she went back to sleep.

* * *

NOTES:

*afternoon nap

*(in case you don't know) an archipelagic country in south east asia

*according to the internet it takes 18 hours going to the US from the Philippines via plane

*literally means big brother, is a sign of respect

*the currency in the Philippines (PHP) the exchange rates vary but i remember more or less one dollar is equivalent to 42 or 43 pesos

*filipino slang for a filipina

*souvenirs for friends or relatives

*short for South East Asian

*because of the filipino boxer Manny Pacquiao, who beat a lot of other boxers of different nationalities

* * *

A/N: hi this is solitarycloud... sorry if this wasn't that good. i know my summary was really bad and my writing isn't that good, so sorry. i'm only a beginner at writing and this is my first time writing for the APH fandom. this story was based on a joke i found on the internet, so if your american, i'm not saying americans are like that but the american here reminded me of alfred so i made it into a story. pls don't get offended, this is only a joke. thanks for reading even if it sucked so much and if it's not to much trouble can you pls review so i can learn where to improve ^_^


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